i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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