I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
