dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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