do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize