I cockslap morals
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize