Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
