awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
