Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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