you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this boner is exhausting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blood and glitter go together right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
