apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
organizing the empties. That sober.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
