i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
