first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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