if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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