I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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