I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
