Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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