i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
