she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
