grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
