Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
