You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't think brook has ever known best
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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