he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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