"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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