I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
