this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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