I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
