I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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