I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
