Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
love makes seman taste better
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
