sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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