doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
