hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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