now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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