On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
