Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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