i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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