Dude my mom stole all your condoms
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He passed out mid-signature
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
