just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
