I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
