Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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