Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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