like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
