so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
