I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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