God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
