so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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