I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
