FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need water and some morals
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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