Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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