Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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