i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
