I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
