super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
