You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
