Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
