He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
