OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
