wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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