Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
