Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
