Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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