Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
