you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
