Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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