I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
