he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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